Confess love to a guy you have been sleeping with. You have had a crush on him for months and you finally sleep together and it’s amazing and beautiful but he “isn’t ready to fall in love right now.” Whatever that means. Cry a little. Get dressed. Put on baseball cap for extra protection. Grab your keys. We are going for a walk.
Walk to Whole Foods to try to buy things to ease current heartbreak. Wander through aisles with headphones on aimlesslessly. This song reminds you of him. Change it. He showed you this band. Change it. His friends from college were in this band, and you also used to listen to it a lot in high school, before you even knew he existed. Change it to some Young Thug. He will never hurt you.
Buy some jicama. Buy some canned pumpkin. Buy a copy of Elle because Miley is on the cover and she looks amazing, and you gotta see what she has been up to. Buy a fun packet of scented bath salts. Buy the blondest hair dye you can find, even though your natural hair color could be described as “brown black”. Whatever. You have blonde tips now. You could always be blonder though. Buy some fun little hippie medicines in packets at the checkouts to send to your friends from back home in care packages, to be funny, but also because you guys are always hungover these days and need all the help you can get. Tell the checkout girl that the hangover pill one isn’t for you, even though you will probably use it and never mail it to your friend. Walk home. Become parched on the way and regret not buying those fancy green teas in cans you like. Oh well.
Arrive home. Draw bath. The packet you picked has eucalyptus oils in it. Your favorite lately. Make some tea. Put hair dye onto your tips. Massage thoroughly. Put on shower cap. Climb into bath. Flip through magazine. Become relaxed. Fall asleep. Wake up in a panic. Tea is cold. Bath water is colder. Headache is present. It’s a migraine. It hurts. Climb out of tub. It’s freezing now. Your hair is blonder than you wanted it, but you feel too shitty to deal with that right now. Get dressed in comfy clothes. Climb into soft bed. Hug childhood stuffed animal. Cry deeply. Fall asleep deeply.
Wake up to worse headache. Definitely a migraine. Go to doctor. Go to ER because the doctor seems to think it’s meningitis. You didn’t finish medical school, but you know that meningitis is bad news. Freak out slightly because going to the ER alone is a scary nightmare come true. Get calmed down by helpful nurses. Receive a slap on the shoulder when you tell the nurse you smoke cigarettes sometimes. Decide to try to stop. Receive headache medicines intravenously. Fall half asleep. Wake up. Demand to be discharged. Wander home. Climb into bed. Sleep deeply.
Wake up. Walk to 7/11. Buy a slurpee. Come home. Don’t shower. Make tea. Sit at kitchen table. Open laptop. Write it down.
Featured image taken by Nicholas Eckhart.
Katelyn Chessler is a writer based in Cleveland, Ohio.